I'm a Doctor Not a Pool Man!

Me: I have the hiccups.

Husband: Ok, here. ::starts tickling me::

Me: ::laughing/hiccupping::

Husband: Boo!

Me: I'm not sure how tickling me is supposed to be helpful.

Husband: Oh wait, you're right. That doesn't do anything.

Spell That One For Me?

Me: Are you going to want chicken enchiladas if I make them?

Husband: Yeah... Does it end in "allottas"? I want some.

Me: No, it doesn't. "Allottas" isn't a word, but I get the point. Good to know, thanks.

This Post is Brought to Us by the Letter H

Husband: Ruby don't touch that. That is where we put the trash. If you're a hoarder, you put it on the floor.

Me: "Lessons For The Organized Baby." She's going to be confused when she finally learns about Oscar the Grouch now.

Husband: Haha hell yeah!

That's When the Whores Start Showing Up

Me: I don't know what to watch on Netflix right now

Husband: How about "Hoarders", you hoarder?

Me: :: thinking::

Husband: Just so you know, I said "hoarDER" before... not "whore".  That last 'der' didn't really come out loud enough I think.

Me: Surprisingly, I already knew what you said. I was trying to pick my words unlike you. I am organized and thrifty. You, on the other hand, are a hoarder as we've already established.

Husband: When did we establish that?

Me: Well, this morning we discussed what to do with you piles and piles of magazines. And when we were moving to Texas we found you held onto bank statements as far back as 2002. And we also found your logs from driving school!

Husband: I was... proud of my accomplishments!

Me: Driving safe and courteously is pride enough.

Husband: Shut up, Shoobs.

Alert the Fashion Police

Husband: I know how you like those cowboy types.

Me: What?

Husband: You like cowboy types.

Me: Why do you think that?

Husband: Because you're wearing a shirt that looks like a table cloth.

Me: No I'm not. It's a checked pattern but not a table cloth. Are you insinuating I'm big like table?

Husband: I didn't say I didn't like it. I just meant that it looks like a table cloth which makes me think of a picnic which makes me think of food. And I like food. And you too!

Me: See... That was your chance to say "no hon, you're not huge like a table. I'm just talking out of my ass."

Cake-aholic

Husband: Did you see the cake Crystal made?

Me: Yup!

Husband: It looks so good I want to eat it!

Me: Justin... you'd eat a cake that looked like a dirty homeless man's shoe.

Husband: Hahaha! That's probably true.