Tuesday, September 4, 2012

It's Legit, You're Dumb

Me: I have a legitimate irrational fear... Wait, that wording is wrong. I legitimately have an irrational fear that when its dark out and I have to let the dogs outside to pee that when I turn the light on there's going to be a homeless person sleeping on our porch furniture.
Husband: That's not irrational. I have a fear that...
Me: See, this is one of those times that I really hate you. Don't poke fun of me and what I just said.
Husband: I'm not making fun of you. You're just dumb.
Me: Thanks.

A Horse is a Horse

Husband: Roo is a horse's ass, but he means well.
Me: What, is that his new nickname?
Husband: Haha! Yeah! Hey horse's ass... get over here!

Hush, No Talkie

Me: You're not even listening to me... I might have to punch you in the mouth.
Husband: What?!? Don't kick me in balls!
Me: I didn't even say that! Geez you don't listen. I don't even know why I use my voice to speak.

You're a Saint, I Forgot

Husband: Do you want to play the trumpet?
Me: No I don't.
Husband: You don't want to play the trumpet?
Me: No.
Husband: ::starts squeezing my boob and making trumpet noises to the tune of 'when the saints go marching in'::
Me: Stop.
Husband: ::continues::
Me: Stop it.
Husband: ::continues while I try to push him away::
Me: Seriously... stop.
Husband: ::playing the high notes on the other boob while I struggle to get away::
Me: Ow! Seriously stop now. You just made me hit my lip.
Husband: You're fine. Did i really hurt you?
Me: Yes, my lip split from when Ruby head butt me and now you just hit it with you wrist.
Husband: When did she do that?
Me: Like 2 days ago. It doesn't matter, every time you play, I get hurt.
Husband: You never want to have fun.
Me: Yup you're right, I never want to have fun or do anything. Why are we even still together?
Husband: I didn't say that.
Me: Yes you did, you said "you never want to have fun".
Husband: Well I didn't mean "never ever". ::displays his hand to be reprimanded::
Me: No, go away.
Husband: Hit me, go ahead.
Me: I don't want to hit you.
Husband: Yes you do.
Me: No i don't. Just stop it. :: dog grumbles :: Both of us in unison: That's right Monkey.
Husband: Monkey knows when you're being unreasonable.
Me: Come back here.
Husband: Why?
Me: Well now I want to hit you.


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