tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23254120657613349052024-03-13T07:08:27.721-04:00Conversations With My HusbandConversations With My Husband is about just that, the random things we talk about. The silly, crazy, off-the-wall conversations are 100% real. I know, I can hardly believe it either.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-13283187171009492392014-03-14T16:16:00.000-04:002014-03-14T16:16:06.929-04:00In Case You Haven't HeardWe have moved! We have our very own special URL now. Thank you loyal readers and friends for sticking with us. You can now keep up with us at our new location:
<a href="">http://convoswithmyhusband.com/</a>
and also on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ConvosWithMyHusband">Facebook</a>
We hope that you will continue to follow our shenanigans and laugh with us. Thanks!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-64756899593955021972013-09-06T01:11:00.001-04:002013-09-06T01:11:36.010-04:00Anniversary SpecialThis is a special edition of Conversations tonight. The hubs and I are celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary. I know... this blog should have WAY more posts for 4 years of marriage. But with our schedules, this means that we saw each other 2 times today and literally spent less than 2 hours combined. ::sad face:: But we're a strong couple so this didn't get us too down. We just make the most of it.
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Part 1</h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhh6TIwNB_g0sZ5-VgIMWZkY0kmY8cccIgMxRb8LFF4EiWHjMzPFDw-enFt4ciq08p8-s1vObYk-SAV7eZwKdb5cAboGPgu4nTU2TYkGf5-rNBSIQdMinoHypdpPnJDFWOtMaZga4ihpis/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhh6TIwNB_g0sZ5-VgIMWZkY0kmY8cccIgMxRb8LFF4EiWHjMzPFDw-enFt4ciq08p8-s1vObYk-SAV7eZwKdb5cAboGPgu4nTU2TYkGf5-rNBSIQdMinoHypdpPnJDFWOtMaZga4ihpis/s320/photo.JPG" /></a></div>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I got something for you.</div>
Me: Yeah? Awe, flowers! They're purple, I love them. They're beautiful!
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Like you.</div>
Me: Thank you. And my card matches my flowers!
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I know you like matching things.</div>
Me: I do, indeed. Thank you.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: And I got you some wine so I could get lucky later.</div>
Me: Nice transition there.
<br>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Part 2</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: My Dad called to wish us a happy anniversary.</div>
Me: Awe, that's sweet of him.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yeah, I know. He said he felt bad because he had been planning on getting us something.</div>
Me: Why?
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I know. I told him "we don't even get each other anything. You don't have to get us anything either."</div>
Me: Haha! It's true though. You got me flowers and I love flowers. I made you a kick-ass dinner because you love food.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yeah, it was GOOD!</div>
Me: That's what works for us.
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Part 3</h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy-gBO-rB-q8BGzE3g3MZVEnXib5ciCOYZBG3yrhq3GgiakDU-Iu1EaWhxcnMuOUsIC3DtPRSYzs512i-Nt2OwySRR6-w1tFkSkcxZ08hKCpZjb0gGnRJ8RVt9V3q4tHyXGhyH4wuzlE64/s1600/Image+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy-gBO-rB-q8BGzE3g3MZVEnXib5ciCOYZBG3yrhq3GgiakDU-Iu1EaWhxcnMuOUsIC3DtPRSYzs512i-Nt2OwySRR6-w1tFkSkcxZ08hKCpZjb0gGnRJ8RVt9V3q4tHyXGhyH4wuzlE64/s400/Image+(1).jpg" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-4738920742011099692013-09-02T22:33:00.000-04:002013-09-02T22:48:42.162-04:00We Have Missed You, Too!Many of you have spoken and your words did not fall on deaf ears. Trust us, we both have wanted to get this blog running again. But since Husband doesn't blog and the RubeCube takes up most of my time, it just took a back seat. But I'm happy to announce that we will be trying to get it in gear and keep the laughs coming. We appreciate your support and, let's be honest, it felt good that we were missed. But since the conversations never stop around here, we want to keep sharing them with you. So let's get this thing going with a special Labor Day post!
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Stop Saying Words, Please</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: <a href="http://princess.disney.com/jasmine" target="_blank" style="color: #666666; text-decoration: underline;">Jasmine</a> is like, the hottest Disney princess. You know?</div>
Me: Because she's exotic looking?
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yeah, I guess so. I mean, Snow White's got a stupid haircut. She's out.</div>
Me: ::nodding::
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Ariel's a red head so she's automatically hot. But she's got weird 80's hair.</div>
Me: Well it looks so big and full because she's floating in the ocean. The water keeps it flowing.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Probably uses a lot of hairspray. </div>
Me: ::blank stare::
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Bet she uses AQUANET!</div>
Me: You're proud of that joke, aren't you?
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Blame It On The Weather</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Is that lightning?</div>
Me: Yeah, heat lightning.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Wanna do it?</div>
Me: Why, because there's lightning outside?
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Hey, if you can't hang... just say so. OW! As soon as I said that, I hurt my hip!</div>
Me: Karma strikes like lightning!
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Vanity Schmanity</h2>
::Husband was 3 (over 8.5% ABV) beers down at this point::
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Wow, <a href="http://www.tap42.com/" target="_blank" style="color: #666666; text-decoration: underline;">Tap 42</a> is the place to BE! I love this place. I want to live here. I want to drink delicious beer here all the time. Even though it's really busy, I surprisingly don't mind. But really, there's a lot of people here. A lot of attractive people. I'm now, like the 3rd most attractive person here. Not fair!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-35010303203832462862012-09-27T00:06:00.001-04:002012-09-27T00:06:19.462-04:00I'm a Doctor Not a Pool Man!Me: I have the hiccups.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Ok, here. <i>::starts tickling me::</i></div>
Me: <i>::laughing/hiccupping::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Boo!</div>
Me: I'm not sure how tickling me is supposed to be helpful.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Oh wait, you're right. That doesn't do anything.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Spell That One For Me?</h2>
Me: Are you going to want chicken enchiladas if I make them?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yeah... Does it end in "allottas"? I want some.</div>
Me: No, it doesn't. "Allottas" isn't a word, but I get the point. Good to know, thanks.<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
This Post is Brought to Us by the Letter H</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Ruby don't touch that. That is where we put the trash. If you're a hoarder, you put it on the floor.</div>
Me: "Lessons For The Organized Baby." She's going to be confused when she finally learns about Oscar the Grouch now.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Haha hell yeah!</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
That's When the Whores Start Showing Up</h2>
Me: I don't know what to watch on Netflix right now<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: How about "Hoarders", you hoarder?</div>
Me: <i>:: thinking::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Just so you know, I said "hoarDER" before... not "whore". That last 'der' didn't really come out loud enough I think.</div>
Me: Surprisingly, I already knew what you said. I was trying to pick my words unlike you. I am organized and thrifty. You, on the other hand, are a hoarder as we've already established.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: When did we establish that?</div>
Me: Well, this morning we discussed what to do with you piles and piles of magazines. And when we were moving to Texas we found you held onto bank statements as far back as 2002. And we also found your logs from driving school!
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I was... proud of my accomplishments!</div>
Me: Driving safe and courteously is pride enough.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Shut up, Shoobs.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Alert the Fashion Police</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I know how you like those cowboy types.</div>
Me: What?
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: You like cowboy types.</div>
Me: Why do you think that?
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Because you're wearing a shirt that looks like a table cloth.</div>
Me: No I'm not. It's a checked pattern but not a table cloth. Are you insinuating I'm big like table?
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I didn't say I didn't like it. I just meant that it looks like a table cloth which makes me think of a picnic which makes me think of food. And I like food. And you too!</div>
Me: See... That was your chance to say "no hon, you're not huge like a table. I'm just talking out of my ass."<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Cake-aholic</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Did you see the cake Crystal made?</div>
Me: Yup!
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: It looks so good I want to eat it!</div>
Me: Justin... you'd eat a cake that looked like a dirty homeless man's shoe.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Hahaha! That's probably true.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-50522832340982295532012-09-21T21:57:00.000-04:002012-09-21T21:57:00.170-04:00Love is KindMe: I love you
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I love you too!</div>
Me: Even though you're mildly retarded sometimes.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: And even though you're a little bitchy.</div>
Me: Touché.
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
I Can Wipe My Own Ass</h2>
Me: Hey, I just updated my status about the new blog post. Don't forget to share it with your friends.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Ok, what should I write?</div>
Me: I already write the blog... why don't you handle writing your own status updates.
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Like Husband, Like Dog</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Hey, when we get new Texas license plates I'm going to get one that says "Not gay". Like "don't judge me based upon my dogs".</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Close Only Counts In Horseshoes & Hand Grenades</h2>
<i>:: while finishing a bottle of wine ::</i>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Shoobs, getting drunk on wine makes you smart. It's a fact.</div>
Me: That is NOT what you read in your magazine the other day.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yes it was!</div>
Me: No it was not.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: What did I say then?</div>
Me: Right then you said "getting drunk on wine makes you smart." But what you read the other day was that drinking 8oz of red wine every evening can be healthy for you.
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Oh yeah. Yeah, that's the same thing. Right?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-84186893919375150122012-09-04T09:54:00.000-04:002012-09-04T09:54:19.891-04:00It's Legit, You're DumbMe: I have a legitimate irrational fear... Wait, that wording is wrong. I legitimately have an irrational fear that when its dark out and I have to let the dogs outside to pee that when I turn the light on there's going to be a homeless person sleeping on our porch furniture.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: That's not irrational. I have a fear that...</div>
Me: See, this is one of those times that I really hate you. Don't poke fun of me and what I just said.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I'm not making fun of you. You're just dumb.</div>
Me: Thanks.
<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
A Horse is a Horse</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Roo is a horse's ass, but he means well.</div>
Me: What, is that his new nickname?
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Haha! Yeah! Hey horse's ass... get over here!</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
Hush, No Talkie</h2>
Me: You're not even listening to me... I might have to punch you in the mouth.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: What?!? Don't kick me in balls!</div>
Me: I didn't even say that! Geez you don't listen. I don't even know why I use my voice to speak.
<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">
You're a Saint, I Forgot</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Do you want to play the trumpet?</div>
Me: No I don't.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: You don't want to play the trumpet?</div>
Me: No.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: <i>::starts squeezing my boob and making trumpet noises to the tune of 'when the saints go marching in'::</i></div>
Me: Stop.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: <i>::continues::</i></div>
Me: Stop it.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: <i>::continues while I try to push him away::</i></div>
Me: Seriously... stop.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: <i>::playing the high notes on the other boob while I struggle to get away::</i></div>
Me: Ow! Seriously stop now. You just made me hit my lip.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: You're fine. Did i really hurt you?</div>
Me: Yes, my lip split from when Ruby head butt me and now you just hit it with you wrist.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: When did she do that?</div>
Me: Like 2 days ago. It doesn't matter, every time you play, I get hurt.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: You never want to have fun.</div>
Me: Yup you're right, I never want to have fun or do anything. Why are we even still together?
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: I didn't say that.</div>
Me: Yes you did, you said "you never want to have fun".
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Well I didn't mean "never ever". <i>::displays his hand to be reprimanded::</i></div>
Me: No, go away.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Hit me, go ahead.</div>
Me: I don't want to hit you.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yes you do.</div>
Me: No i don't. Just stop it.
<i>:: dog grumbles ::</i>
Both of us in unison: That's right Monkey.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Monkey knows when you're being unreasonable.</div>
Me: Come back here.
<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Why?</div>
Me: Well now I want to hit you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-60631513853219687822012-08-24T21:17:00.001-04:002012-08-24T21:17:13.754-04:00Good Hair = Good LifeMe: Did you just tell the dog he looked like Alexander Hamilton?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yes.</div>
Me: Why?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Because of his stately hair cut.</div>
Me: <i>::laughing::</i>God, you're an idiot.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Don't listen to her Roo. And don't don't worry, hair like that can take you places.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Be Proud, You Bullied a Dog</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Shoobs look at this! I fuckin' got him!</div>
Me: Don't be so proud of yourself that you've managed to half-nelson the dog. A 14 lb dog.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::laughs hysterically::</i> You said "half-nelson"!</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Snuffleupa-Who?</h2>
::Watching the video of Feist on Sesame Street::
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: She called them "monsters". So stupid.</div>
Me: They ARE monsters.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No they're not.</div>
Me: Yes they are.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No they're not, they're Muppets!</div>
Me: He's not called "Cookie Muppet" you a-hole.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::laughs hysterically::</i></div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">If You're Not First, You're Last</h2>
Doctor: Nope, not dilated yet<br />
Me: I knew it. Week 38... and nothing. I just had a feeling.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm very disappointed in your vagina right now.</div>
Me: Thanks.
Doctor: Oh my gosh, get out of here.
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Work Baby, Work</h2>
Me: where are my trivets? I always keep them here.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I don't know. The last time I saw them, they were on the stove.</div>
Me: yes, but they're not there now. Maybe they fell behind the stove like my good oven mitt.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh yeah, I forgot about that oven mitt.</div>
Me: yeah, probably because you don't cook.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I DO SO cook</div>
Me: yeah, eggs for yourself in the morning<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I asked you if you wanted some eggs.</div>
Me: yeah, 40 minutes after you cooked your own.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Not uh, I asked you right after I cooked mine</div>
Me: No you didn't. You were sitting right there on the couch.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well, you were feeding the baby in the bedroom and I thought you might go back to sleep</div>
Me: Not uh. Stop trying to convince yourself it happened in a different way.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: So get your oven mitt.</div>
Me: What? Are you telling me to get the oven mitt that YOU could have gotten any day since the day YOU dropped behind the oven?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: ...yeah...</div>
Me: Oh I forgot I have so much time during my day now that I have a newborn to go dragging the oven out.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Seriously, you're so lazy.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">English as a First Language</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Two things... its a verb.</div>
Me: What is?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What I'm doing.</div>
Me: What?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::silent laughing::</i></div>
Me: What's a verb?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: An action, duh!</div>
Me: See, his is why I talk to myself instead of you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-20153526513832045112012-04-25T22:19:00.001-04:002012-04-25T22:20:08.324-04:00First You Get The Jobs, Then You Get The Khakis, Then You Get The Chicks::<i> flipping through channels </i>::
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Uugggghhh</div>
Me: We've never had that channel.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well I thought maybe they'd give it to me today. </div>
Me: Once I get a new job, we'll up the TV package.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Nope, once you get a new job, we're getting rid of the TV altogether.</div>
Me: Why the heck would you do that? Why were you so pressed on getting a new giant TV?
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well, once we get the giant TV, we'll get a TV package.</div>
Me: You have...
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I've got it <i>all</i> figured out.</div>
Me: No, you have the most insane, ass-backwards logic I've ever encountered
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Siskel & Ebert, You're Not</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What are you doing? Watching some gay movie?</div>
Me: Yes, it's called The Life of Justin Tester
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I hate you</div>
Me: I know, it's mutual.
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">It's Science</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh shit!</div>
Me: What?
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I just realized that I'm a genius!</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Get It Gurl</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh no I did-n't... turn on Haunted Honeymoon!</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Kids Stuff</h2>
Me: This diaper bag is like Mary Poppins
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yup. Wait, what does that mean?</div>
Me: ... ummm, like I keep pulling out a million things. It holds everything.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh, ok. Yeah, I've never seen it.</div>
Me: Never saw what?
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Mary Poppins.</div>
Me: Seriously? How could you have never seen that movie?
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I just haven't.</div>
Me: But seriously, how is that possible.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm not a girl.</div>
Me: That has nothing to do with it. I can't believe you've never seen that movie.
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Believe it. I'm a man. I didn't watch stuff like that.</div>
Me: Coming from the guy who belts out Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know".
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Believe that!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-24349013304985689422012-04-21T00:33:00.000-04:002012-04-21T00:40:35.231-04:00You're So Sensuous... Sen-su-ous Up<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Can I have a beer shoobs?</div>
Me: Why are you asking me?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Because I don't want to get up and get it.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130">My Mom Says I'm Funny</h2>
::supposed to be doing homework, but obviously on Facebook::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Who's this? Do I know Jenn Norman?</div>
Me: No.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Well she liked my comment. At least she knows I'm funny.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Old Dog, No Tricks</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Roo, Daddy needs a beer. Go!</div>
::blank stare::<br />
Me: Daddy must have forgotten what family he belongs in.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yeah, a good for nothing dog family!</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Watch Out For The Big Girl</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Shoobs, I love you and you're pretty.</div>
Me: Thanks, I love you too.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: And you wear yoga pants... because you're lazy.</div>
Me: No, I wear yoga pants because I'm fat.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: No you're not. I wouldn't say that.</div>
Me: Well, I'm "pregnant fat".<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Yeah, you are that.</div>
::silance::<br />
Me: You're retarded.<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">I'm Down, You're Down</h2>
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Shoobs, Monkey is my ... my... O... B. Yeah, my OB, my Original Buddy. I'm down with OBB... Original Buddy Boy.</div>
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">It's All Fun & Games</h2>
::while walking the dogs for the 2nd time in the day::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: Oh my God, this morning Monkey peed on something and it splashed back and got all over himself.</div>
Me: Did you clean him up with wipes when you got back home?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: No.</div>
Me: WTF? No wonder the dog stinks! I'm going to get home one day and you're gonna start to tell me about how the baby shit all over and when I ask if you cleaned it up you're probably going to tell me no.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">
Husband: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!</div>
Me: It's funny, but it won't be if it happens.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-87920912886129974002012-04-16T22:21:00.005-04:002012-04-16T22:27:43.893-04:00You Gotta Have Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCkgH_IeikLx6a52kq1RS1sTR0tBOD4yyj4P8Og8QHkv_tir-Tw0rttjP9uaBUhFFb5-6gnH4nR7qEQD5mpw5Y03zZp8ve46XvR83oDHRogk1oXHm2erEkhBdo4AR2mxASQWmG10e_hZxI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-04-16+at+10.18.26+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCkgH_IeikLx6a52kq1RS1sTR0tBOD4yyj4P8Og8QHkv_tir-Tw0rttjP9uaBUhFFb5-6gnH4nR7qEQD5mpw5Y03zZp8ve46XvR83oDHRogk1oXHm2erEkhBdo4AR2mxASQWmG10e_hZxI/s320/Screen+Shot+2012-04-16+at+10.18.26+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Edited April 16, 2012 @ 10:23pm<br />
Even better... this was the ad Google just placed on our blog. Thanks for being concerned, and humorous Google.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLh6BlweaNnSBtSdgJmIKrBI-LDXnjQhvPW1uIZEckIuC17t-f_NqLdPVjUejpD7jYfwSSvWWVljgsBosd3CjUPe29mqqUQ4r7ie1VjoOA_W7pKtSN9fvHnkavnx05IEJYGkq10lckQmi_/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-04-16+at+10.22.29+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLh6BlweaNnSBtSdgJmIKrBI-LDXnjQhvPW1uIZEckIuC17t-f_NqLdPVjUejpD7jYfwSSvWWVljgsBosd3CjUPe29mqqUQ4r7ie1VjoOA_W7pKtSN9fvHnkavnx05IEJYGkq10lckQmi_/s320/Screen+Shot+2012-04-16+at+10.22.29+PM.png" width="311" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-29414405420755340842012-04-14T23:45:00.000-04:002012-08-23T22:47:22.920-04:00So Much For That IdeaWell as you can see, that didn't work out as well as I had wanted. Geez, moving half way across the country 2 times in 6 months and having a baby is soooo time consuming! I'd like to say "just kidding", but then I'd be lying. Now that we have a baby, the Hubs is quite amusing. Not that he ever stopped, but I needed my own personal assistant to keep up with all that. Let's just state the obvious: no blogging means I didn't get that assistant. Don't get mad though. The Hubs didn't win the Mega Millions either, but I still kept him around. [insert obligatory blog smiley] So without further ado...<br />
<br />
<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Trust Me, It's Not The Dogs</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Hey when we get new Texas license plates I'm going to get one that says "not gay". Like, "don't judge me based upon my dogs please".</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Name That Tune Or Die</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Who sings this song? Quick! If you don't get this right, you might have to die today.</div>Me: Aerosmith.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: That's right. Thank you for getting it right so that you didn't have to die today. I can't promise that you...</div>Me: Won't have to die tomorrow?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Exactly.</div>Me: Well that's then, and this is now. And no one knows what tomorrow will bring.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Exactly.</div>:: next song::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Quick shoobs, who sings this song. If you get this wrong, you might have to die like yesterday.</div>Me: Metallica.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: That's my girl! Now you don't have to die yesterday.</div>:: next song ::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I love this song! Quick who sings it. If you get this right, it would be like extra credit. Like you could be on death row and this would be your get out of jail free card.</div>Me: I actually don't know who sings this.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: That's too bad.</div>:: silence ::<br />
Me: So... who is it?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Georgia Satellites.</div>Me: Oh ok.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah, but you didn't get it right.</div>Me: So now you're going to kill me?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No, but next time... yeah.</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Back To Normal</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: The pineapple went bad.</div>Me: Oh yeah?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah.</div>Me: Oh, my fault. I didn't cut it up right away because we still had that other fruit.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah, I've been meaning to cut it up myself, but I haven't. I blame myself. I figure, I'll stop blaming you for things until after the baby is born. But then I'll go right back to blaming you for things.</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Rock The Bump</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I want to go to Sandals. That's it, I'm going to Sandals tomorrow.</div>Me: I'm not.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Why not?</div>Me: Because the next time I'm going to a Sandals resort I'll be drinking mimosas in the morning and margaritas all day. And wearing a bikini without showing off a baby tummy.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well now you're just being selfish.</div><br />
<br />
Glad to be back folks!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-8847139458439857052011-05-24T19:24:00.003-04:002011-12-10T05:37:19.334-05:00Big News Because I'm Kind of a Big DealHey there loyal followers! The hubs and I would like to apologize for being silent the past few weeks. We've got some big announcements to make. Yes, he's been training in Georgia and good news is he's almost done! But he won't be coming home, he'll be heading to West Virginia for a few more weeks. The distance wasn't what made the blog quiet though. We are also expecting a baby! Crazy, right? Let's hope Child Services doesn't read this blog out of context. Husband was very funny while away at training, but I was super sick and tired and spent my days and nights sleeping or being ill instead of writing down the stupid/funny things he said. But most of my sick and tired days are behind me and I have the energy to think he's funny again. So here we go!<br /><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">"Hungover" Means I Was Drunk Yesterday</h2>Me: Have you been at <a href="http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/149/932981/restaurant/Georgia/Palm-Coast-Coffee-Saint-Simons-Island">Palm Coast Coffee</a> all day?<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: NoooOOOOoooOOOooo...</div>Me: No? Really?<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well, we didn't know that they close at 6pm on Sundays.</div>Me: Oh ok.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: So now we're here at Blue Water and it's not busy. It's never busy. But we keep telling them that they would get more business if they'd just fire all these waiters with bad hair and hire some hot girls with short shorts and play some better music. Their music sucks. It sucks! Sucks!</div>Me: I know. You've told me that same story many times.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I have?</div>Me: Yes, you have. But it's ok. Can you do me a big favor?<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Of course.</div>Me: Can you please promise me that you'll eat a large meal before you have anything else to drink?<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Why?</div>Me: Because you're drunk.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm not drunk Shoobs.</div>Me: You get a particular enthusiastic-ness in your voice when you drink.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Not uh!</div>Me: Yes you do, it's ok. I don't care that you're drunk, I just want you to eat something before you get more drunk.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Ok, well I'll call you back when I'm not drunk.</div>Me: See? I told you you were drunk! Hahaha!<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Wait that's not what I meant. I mean, I said that because <b><i>you</i></b> said I was drunk.</div>Me: Yeah, ok. <br /><br /><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">It's Not The Worst</h2>Me: Blue Bunny makes Red Velvet ice cream now.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No they don't.</div>Me: Yes they do, I just saw a commercial.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: That's like the coolest thing I've ever heard! I mean, besides other cool things I've heard before. But I guess it's still really cool.</div>Me: So... you are or are not excited about this?<br /><br /><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Did You Hear That?</h2>Me: Eeew, you tooted! It stinks now.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What? Really? No I didn't!</div>Me: Ummm, yes you did.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah, you're right. I did.</div>Me: I know you did. I just said that. I'm standing 3 feet from you, I can smell you.<br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh.</div><i>:: moments later ::</i><br /><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Haha, did you like how I asked if I really did that? That was funny.</div><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-56721076411188707602011-02-06T15:05:00.000-05:002011-02-06T15:05:23.260-05:00If It Weren't For Those Meddling Kids!<i>Phone ringing::</i><br />
Me: This is Aubrey...<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>:: in the tune of the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_C2HJvtRDY">Scooby Doo</a> theme song :: Shooby Dooby Doos, where are you? You've got a lot of work to do now!</i></div>Me: Hahaha. I do have a lot of work to do since I'm at work.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Did you like that song?</div>Me: Yes, that was a good one.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah, I just thought of it when you answered</div>Me: It's definitely much better than most of the other songs you make up.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: ... hey...</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">"No One Wants To Hire A Dummy"</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Do you really have to go to work tomorrow?</div>Me: Yeah<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Why</div>Me: Because I have to do work<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Only dorks have to work.</div>Me: Thanks<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I used to be a dork, once.</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Misheard Lyrics Or Probably Drunk?</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::singing:: If you like pita coladas...</i></div>Me: What?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Shut up Shoobs.</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">You're A Dog Not A Doctor</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::yelling back at the dog who just barked at him::</i> I'm not sick Roo, I'm drunk!</div><br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">So Long And Farewell, A*Holes</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::reading back his Facebook status update::</i> "I want to thank all my BCoPD buddies for coming out and supporting my upcoming adventure tonight. It meant more than you can imagine. I will miss you all more than you know. I am appreciative for the support!" What else should I write?</div>Me: I think it's fine how it is. You could add something like...<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Something like "If you didn't come, you suck. I'll never talk to you again. Even ::insert outcast officer's name here:: came and we still had a good time.</div>Me: Yeah, on second thought just leave it how it is. Please press the update status button before you add anything else.<br />
<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Hey David Blaine, It's Time For Bed</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: WTF?</div>Me: You ok?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: My arm got stuck in my shirt.</div>Me: ::blank stare::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: For reals!</div>Me: How did you arm, <i>for reals</i> get stuck in your shirt?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It happens.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-31748473711823397652011-02-04T20:08:00.000-05:002012-08-23T22:49:13.443-04:00Tom-ay-to, Tom-a-to<p><a href="http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/11040699/cwmh-tom-ay-to-tom-a-to" target="_blank" style="font-size: 14px;font-weight:bold;">CWMH - Tom-ay-to Tom-a-to</a><br />by: <a href="http://www.xtranormal.com/profile/5312025" style="" target="_blank">cwmh</a></p><iframe id="xtranormal_CWMH - Tom-ay-to Tom-a-to" name="xtranormal_CWMH - Tom-ay-to Tom-a-to" style="width:480px;height:299px;" src="http://www.xtranormal.com/xtraplayr/11040699/cwmh-tom-ay-to-tom-a-to" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" border="0" frameborder="0" scrolling="auto"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-80768206460664815992011-01-06T23:57:00.000-05:002011-01-06T23:57:04.915-05:00Have It Your Way<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'll be right back.</div>Me: Where are you going?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: To get a cookie. Did you want anything from upstairs?</div>Me: Can I have some water?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Did you want that in a cup?</div>Me: Ummm... no just in your hands will be fine. Haha! What the hell kind of question was that?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I asked if you already had a cup.</div>Me: Ooohhhhhhh. That makes sense.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-91691376909590213232011-01-05T12:18:00.002-05:002011-01-05T12:21:21.325-05:00Stinky Poo<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Eww. Which one of the dogs just farted?</div>Me: I don't know, but you stink right now too.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I DO NOT! I didn't even sweat today at work.</div>Me: You stink.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No I don't.</div>Me: You do.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Maybe you're just confused and you're the one who stinks today. Ever think of that?</div>Me: ::blank stare::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I can't stink. I refuse to stink.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Who Let The Dogs Out?<br />
</h2>::Dog is whining::<br />
Me: Roo, you already went out.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yes he did.</div>Me: Did Daddy watch you go out?<br />
::silence::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What?</div>Me: Haha. No, he didn't look to see if you did anything outside.<br />
::Dog still whining::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It's f*ing cold outside.</div>Me: Well at least you have pants and a sweatshirt on.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No I didn't. I took them off.</div>Me: You did NOT take all your clothes off to let the dog outside.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yes I did.</div>Me: You did NOT spontaneously undress when you let the dog out.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yuh huh!</div>::dog still whining::<br />
Me: Well Roo, you're going to have to wait for Daddy to take you out.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Daddy's watching football and Mommy's not doing anything.</div>Me: Mommy is writing a post on the blog you don't read because you're a jerk. And jerks have to take the dog out.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: How come I always lose?</div>Me: Because jerks lose. Now take the dog out.<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">I Think I'll Just Wait To Air Dry</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Soon after you left the house today it was like a monsoon out here.</div>Me: Yeah well I was walking in the street when that happened. It wasn't even drizzling so I walked out of the parking garage. But when I got to the Constellation Energy building the wind nearly knocked over the other six people I was walking with and then the sky opened up and the rain was unbelievable! We all walked into the same building and stood just looking at each other and asking '<i>What the hell just happened out there?</i>' haha. I had to run my hand down my jeans to ring them out. They're still soaked. And the office is freezing.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well why don't you just start tootin' in them and maybe they'll dry up.</div>Me: ... I literally hate you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-8557510251042785322010-12-14T13:31:00.000-05:002010-12-14T13:31:16.468-05:00Reading Is For Nerds<div style="color:"#666666">Husband: Put that in the blog. You haven't updated the blog in forever!</div>Me: <i>That</i> is a bunch of bull! You obviously don't even read your own blog.<br />
<div style="color:#666666">Husband: <i>::thinks about it and nods his head no::</i></div>Me: Nice... really supportive of you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-38109713745541838282010-12-13T22:02:00.002-05:002011-01-07T18:47:38.849-05:00Ah, Blow It Out Your Old Wazoo<i>::Watching Ravens v Texans game::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Sounds like the fans have wazoos.</div>Me: <i>::contemplating what he meant::</i> What did you say?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It sounds like they have wazoos in the stands.</div>Me: <i>::Does he mean vuvuzela?::</i> What's a wazoo?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: You don't know what the hell a wazoo is?</div>Me: No, I don't. What is a wazoo?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It's... wait...</div>Me: Bwahahaha!<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: A gazoo?</div>Me: Do you mean a kazoo?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Hahaha yeah, a kazoo! If you don't know what a kazoo is, you can get the hell out of here!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-82267699361192255912010-12-11T22:53:00.000-05:002010-12-11T22:53:33.328-05:00You Can Get A Good Look At A T-Bone...<i>::At the vet with the dog because of a strange bump::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Could that be a hernia?</div>Doctor: I don’t think so, there’s too much muscle here. It would show up somewhere else more appropriate.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Right.</div>Me: ::blank stare::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What?</div>Me: ::blank stare::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What? C’mon I’ve asked <i>waaaaay</i> stupider questions than that before.</div>Me: Today, even.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I’m not a vet, but I know a horse’s ass when I see one.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-84536574223719018252010-11-28T20:52:00.000-05:002010-11-28T20:52:35.066-05:00Wake Me Up When Movember Ends<div style="color: #666666;"><i>::unintelligible growly noise::</i></div>Me: What?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It came out of nowhere. This mustache emits pheromones.</div>Me: ::blank stare::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I meant... testosterone... shut up!</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Twit Twat Tweet</h2><i>::While watching Sunday Night Football::</i><br />
Me: Yeah like that's ever going to happen.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What's that?</div>Me: That commercial said to get up-to-the-minute information from the sidelines follow Andrea Kramer on Twitter.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah, who wants to follow that twat's tweets?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-85063364863919336612010-11-22T11:22:00.001-05:002010-11-22T11:27:15.584-05:00Agree To Disagree<i>::During a phone call::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well I just wanted to call and say "hi" and "wow... you... are... amazing".</div>Me: Haha Thank you.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: OK, I'll talk to you later.</div>Me: OK, bye.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Hey! If you need anything you know how to get ahold of me. My number is now and will probably always be... 9-1-1</div>Me: ... thanks... I'll keep that in mind.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Good. You should put that in the blog.</div>Me: Stop trying to dictate what goes in the blog.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well you told me to try and help you remember things that should go in the blog because you can't always jot them down for later.</div>Me: Yes, things we agree on.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well, we <i>just agreed </i> that would go in.</div>Me: No we didn't.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yes we did. You may not remember. Now go put that in.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Be The Best You You Can Be</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Put up the Al and Peggy Bundy pictures from Halloween.</div>Me: <i>::ignoring him::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Put the Bundy pictures on Facebook.</div>Me: <i>::ignoring him::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Now, please!</div>Me: <i>::huff::</i> Fine!<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I like you. Not that attitude, but you. I also like your face.</div>Me: Do you like the face I'm making right now?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No, not really. Why are you making that face?</div>Me: Because I was busy doing something.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i><b>I'm</b></i> doing something.</div>Me: Yes... annoying me.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well you always say to be the best at what I do.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Ten Years Ago I Used to Listen To Rappers Flow</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I also got a new beer Key had in the store. I hope its good.</div>Me: What kind is it?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It's called Original Pumpkin Ale. But who knows if that's even true. Maybe its the real first one made, maybe not. I mean, I'm a real OG too, but...</div>Me: Ok, Ice-T. You can stop now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-82989728971396660052010-11-02T16:16:00.003-04:002010-12-13T16:24:25.070-05:00If You Don't Like This Blog...<i>::iTunes playing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI7Ghu1FpnQ&ob=av3e">Redneck Yacht Club</a>::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: If you don't like this song... you can get the hell out of here.</div><i>::iTunes playing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSv_WM7Qct0">Callin' Baton Rouge</a>::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: If you don't like this song... you can get the hell out of here.</div><i>::iTunes playing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GdeU0ww4zY">I Got My Mind Set On You</a>::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: If you don't like this song... you can get the hell out of here.</div>Me: Are you going to do this for every song in the library?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Maybe.</div>Me: Seriously?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well its going to be definitely if you ask me like that again.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Liar Liar Pants On Fire</h2><i>::While he's flipping through tv channels, in his most sarcastic voice possible::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh no, don't make me watch Jaws!</div>Me: Why?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Because I hate that movie.</div>Me: No you don't. You make me watch it all the time. Why are you such a liar today?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What else did I lie about today?</div>Me: I don't know.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Exactly! I only lie once a day.</div>Me: Seriously? Once day?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Ok, well, I guess that's a lie... so twice a day.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">The Same, But Different</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Shoobs you should read more.</div>Me: Huh? Read more? I'm reading right now. Well I was before you interrupted me.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh, I mean paint more.</div>Me: Did you really get reading and painting confused?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Only for a minute.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">I'm Tellin' Y'All It's Sabotage</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well if I didn't look like my father before... I certainly do now with just this mustache.</div>Me: Oh my goodness. Wow. <i>That</i> is going to take some getting used to.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm probably only going to keep it for the next 3 days or so.</div>Me: Ok ::laughing to myself::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What?</div>Me: I woke up with a police officer today and now I have to go to bed with the Sabotage video.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Shut up.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">It's Facial Hair, Not A Friend</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Goodnight.</div>Me: Goodnight ::kiss:: I love you.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I love you.</div><i>::Silence::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: <i>::in a high pitched voice:: "I love you too.</i>" That was my mustache.</div>Me: Please don't ever let your mustache speak to me again, ok?<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Love And Marriage</h2><i>::After taking a survey for a research institute about being married::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Did you write anything in that last box about additional comments you wanted them to know about our marriage?</div>Me: No. Did you?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Yeah, I said that I wanted them to know had to take time out of my doing everything around here to take that survey since you never do anything.</div>Me: ...Thanks...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-78431366053089027582010-10-24T22:22:00.000-04:002010-10-24T22:22:35.175-04:00At A Wedding And Love Is In The Air<i>::During the wedding toast::</i><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: And they forgot that we toast God</div>Me: ::not sure where this is about to go::<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: This is the blood of Christ... and it <i>IS</i> delicious!</div>Mike: That guy must have been drunk like 24/7!<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Dress To Impress</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I wasn't going to say anything because you're the mother of the bride, but you're boobs look <i>great</i> in that dress.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">There's A Time & Place</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Why is Crystal touching her boobs?</div>Me: She has to pump milk for the baby and so she's at capacity and she's sore.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Seriously?</div>Crystal: Yeah, they're like rocks right now.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Can I feel?</div>Everyone: NO!<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Judge By The Company You Keep</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: We're at the best table.</div>Me: I'd say so.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: No one at this table is a loser and we're the closest table to the bar!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-36470157204242194502010-10-12T11:31:00.001-04:002010-10-12T13:53:43.723-04:00Let Me Tell You About YouMe: I don't want to go to work today.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: You never want to go to work because you're lazy.</div>Me: Excuse me?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Huh?</div>Me: Did you just call me lazy?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: What?</div>Me: Wow, you're not even looking for a way to dig out of that one.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: You're not lazy.</div>Me: Yeah, I know. Thanks, jerk.<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">You're Allowed To Buy Me Things</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: If you're shopping online today, could you get this bike for me?</div>Me: <b>IF</b> I'm shopping online today?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: It's only $509</div>Me: Only? Nice.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well I <i>could</i> have asked you to buy the one that's over $1000.</div>Me: How considerate of you, dear.<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Cheeseburger And French Cries, Please</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: So I wanted a sandwich from Wawa, but it was closed. All I wanted was a Wawa sub and I couldn't get one. Come home and make me a sandwich.</div>Me: I'm a work. I can't just come home to make you some food. You're a grown man...<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: There's a box in the door. Did you order anything?</div>Me: I don't think so.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm gonna open it.</div>Me: Not unless I'm sleep ordering stuff, if I did. Don't go opening it in case I did order something good or its for you.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I don't get to do anything I want!</div>Me: Excuse me?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I couldn't get a sub and now I can't open this box either. I'm gonna open it.</div>Me: That's a federal crime, Mr. Officer. Maybe your background investigator would like to hear about that.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: You hate me.</div>Me: I might... if you open that package.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: HA! It's for me anyway. Yeah, its my package!</div>Me: What is it?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: ... a box...</div>Me: Yes, what's in the box?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Another... box.</div>Me: Huh?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh, its to send back that Verizon box. Damn! I don't want to do that either!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2325412065761334905.post-53012843066950458822010-10-03T20:35:00.000-04:002010-10-03T20:35:42.376-04:00Row Row Row Your Boat<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Hey did you check that lottery ticket I bought on Thursday?</div>Me: Nope.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Well how are we going to know if we won?</div>Me: Chances are good that we didn't.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: If we DID win the lottery, I'm going on a cruise with you... and... T Pain.</div>Me: Cool.<br />
<h2 style="color: #4c1130;">There Are Thirsty Kids In India</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: You better finish your beer. Testers are winners and we finish our beers.</div>Me: You should go and shut up. <br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm gonna put this pillow case over your head and strangle you.</div>Me: Well, if you did that I wouldn't be able to finish this beer any faster, now would I?<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I guess you're right.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">Naked Time!</h2><i>::While watching Nickelback <a href="http://tinyurl.com/2ak7efd">This Afternoon</a> video::</i><br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: You know, I've thought of a lot of things I'd like to do naked, but riding a bike is NOT one of them.</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130";>C'mon Rude Boy</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I just said ::input Facebook response here:: to her.</div>Me: She'll think you were being funny, but you're really saying that you don't care. That was rude, don't be a dick. <br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: I'm not being a dick, I'm being facetious. If I was being a dick I'd say "hey shut your stupid pie hole."</div><h2 style="color: #4c1130;">A Festival of Nuts</h2><div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oooohhh I want candied almonds!</div>Me: Me too! The girl selling them looks like Amber.<br />
<div style="color: #666666;">Husband: Oh yeah? I wasn't looking at her face. I was looking at her, uhhh, nuts</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10864424290417121293noreply@blogger.com0