Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Your Mom Goes To College

Husband: Ooops... ooops... ooops... ooops...
Me: There's an awful lot of "ooops" I'm hearing from over there.
Husband: Ooops, yup.
Me: Is it because you're rushing through your quiz too quickly?
Husband: No, its because I don't know the answers to the quiz.
Me: Well don't you think you should take a moment to actually read the question and then try to answer them?
Husband: No. It takes your highest grade so I just go with trial and error till I get them all right.
Me: ::blank stare:: That seems like it would take longer.
Husband: Sometimes.

Tale of a Tail

::While discussing his most recent paper for school::
Me: Even though you said it was half-assed, it was actually a well written paper. Good job.
Husband: ::spins around:: Hey, how's my hairline in the back?
Me: Random, like our conversation.
Husband: Yeah, I trimmed up the back by myself this morning.
Me: I can tell.
Husband: Yeah?
Me: Yeah, the back comes to a point like the beginnings of a glorious new trashy rat tail.
Husband: Yeah... I should grow one. Awesome.

It's a sign

Husband: I just think its funny how no matter what computer program you're in, it tells you that "Dundalk" is spelled wrong.
Me: Because "Dundalk isn't in a Dicionary on the system, probably.
Husband: But "Towson" is?
Me: I don't know why Towson shows as correct.
Husband: I do. Even computers don't like Dundalk."

Tuesday Boozeday

Mike: How did you finish that beer so fast?
Husband: I'm a professional. What can I say?
Me: The layman's term would be "alcoholic".
Husband: "Pro"... "Alcoholic"... whatever.


Husband: You know, I haven't even been on our blog site yet?
Me: Really?
Husband: I don't need to... I lived it.
Me: Hahaha "I'm a rebel Dottie"
Husband: I MAKE THIS BLOG! You know, without really doing... anything, I guess.

Whistle While You Work

::Phone rings::
Me: This is Aubrey.
Husband: ::singing:: This is the MOST wonderful GUYYYYYYY in the WORLD!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Beauty And The Beast

Me: Try this shirt on.
Husband: I don't like it.
Me: You didn't even look at it. I like it.
::Puts it on and looks in mirror::
Husband: Yeah this shirt does look pretty good on me. I mean, it helps when you're an effing beast!

We Go Together

::While shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond::
Husband: You're not buying anything else.
Me: I might be.
Husband: You already got her something. You must like her.
Me: Yes, she's a good friend of mine and a knife set and cutting board go together. I just can't find the one on her list.
Husband: You know what else goes together? Peanut butter and jelly... like on a sandwich.
Me: I'm not giving her a PB&J sandwich as a wedding gift. And how do they go together?
Husband: She's going to need something to cut with these knives, duh.

Job Application

Husband: You know, if I get this job, not only is this guy getting a new, capable park ranger, but he's also getting A COMICAL GENIUS!

Ayo Technology

Me: I really hate the registry system here.
Husband: Why? What's wrong with her registry?
Me: Nothing's wrong with her registry. It something about Bed, Bath & Beyond. We had the problem with ours and Amy's wedding. It shows you how many of an item they want and then how many have been purchased already. I purchased something for a shower gift and then it never showed as being purchased when we bought the wedding gift next.
Husband: Yeah, what a piece of crap. There's no updation.
Me: "Updation" isn't a word.
Me: You know that, right?
Husband: Yes it is. I mean, it is now that I made it up.

You're Asking Me About the Weather?

Me: Hey, what was the weather like outside today?
Husband: Its really nice. I'm wearing shorts.
Me: Is it "nice" for you or for me? Because you know our interpretation of "nice" isn't always the same.
Husband: So what you're saying is... I know what nice is and you have no idea what you're talking about?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Special Edition

Husband: I didn't look up at the sky last night when we got home. So didn't see that there were no stars out. If I had, I would have known that the weather might not have been ideal and I would have put the top back on my jeep. I woke up this morning and thought the rain sound was from our sound machine... but it wasn't. It was real rain.
Me: Oh no, not again.
Husband: Yup. The whole top was off and it had really poured down. I was out there struggling to get the top on again.
Me: Oh man, I'm so sorry that happened again.
Husband: Yeah, well I decided to put the dehumidifier in the jeep to try and speed up the process.
Me: You what?
Husband: I put the dehumidifier in the jeep. But the extension cord didn't reach it... so I had to park the jeep on the front lawn.
Me: ::blank stare:: Seriously?
Husband: Yeah...

You Rock. I Rock.

Husband: I wanna rock right now!
Me: Well, you can.
Husband: ::shakes his head in agreement & turns up the radio volume::
Radio: "I'm walking on sunshine, ye-ah!
Husband: I'm walking on sunshine... bit-ches!

Save A Horse

Husband: It would be so awesome if we moved to Texas! I'd finally be doing what I want.
Me: You're just excited that it will be more socially acceptable for you to wear a cowboy hat in public.
Husband: YES! You know I've always wanted to own a cowboy hat!

I Can Haz Nuggetz?

Husband: Babe, I'm sooo hungry. ::Pouts::
Me: What do you want?
Husband: Chicken nuggets.
Me: Do we even have chicken nuggets?
Husband: ::shrugs:: You didn't ask what we had. You asked what I wanted.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

By Popular Demand...

You asked for it.  Now here it is. By popular demand, I'm very proud to introduce you to the Conversations With My Husband blog!

The idea for this blog came as a natural progression from having these silly, honest, mind-boggling and funny conversations with my husband.  I started posting some of them as status updates on Facebook.  They became quite a success among you, our friends.  The status comments came in quickly and ignited mini conversations between our friends and family, who are also very funny.  But the requests to turn them into a blog really surprised me.

So here we go.  I hope to update this as regularly as Justin comes up with this stuff.  And I hope not to disappoint our audience. (Boy do I hope he stays funny)

Please know that this blog is just meant to be funny.  If you know us, you'll probably find it pretty humorous.  If you don't, then some things may be considered offensive to you. For that, I apologize, but I ask only that you choose not to follow us and keep your hate off the comments.  They will be deleted and you will be ignored.

And just because you've all been so eager to get this blog off the ground, I'm going to start off with some from last night's $1 beers.  Hope you enjoy.

To Blog or Not To Blog

Me: "So I started our blog today.  Its started, but not published yet."
Husband: "Awesome! You should put the old stuff from Facebook on there."
Me: "Yeah, I was thinking about saving the old ones for the slow times when you're not so funny."
Husband: "Girrrrrl, what are you talking about?  60% of the time... I'm funny ALL the time."

Can I Get A Mixer For That?

Husband: "Have you ever had that liquor that looks like a person?"
Me: ::blank stare::
Husband: "You know, its Italian... tastes like hazelnut."
Me: "Frangelica?"
Husband: "Yeah!"
Me: ::staring at the bottle::
Husband: "It looks like Aunt Jemima syrup.  Yes, it does!"

Gifts From God?

Me: "Where did you get another beer from?"
Husband: "The sky."
Me: "You didn't get a beer from the sky. Who gave it to you?"
Husband: "Evan."
Me: "And who asked for the beer?"
Husband: "Ummm..."
Me: "Your mouth?"
Husband: "Nooo---ooo"
Me: "Your voice?"
Husband: "Nooo---ooo"
Me: "Who then?"
Husband: "My evil twin."
Me: "Well I wanted to leave and now you have a full beer. That's not fair."
Husband: "Well I want you to give me a kiss."
Me: "Because you're awful?"
Husband: "Awfully great! Yeah!"

Stink Bugs Fly?

Me: "Ugggh, there's a stink bug in the office.  Its on the ceiling."
Husband: "That's not a stink bug."
Me: "Yes it is, its shaped like a shield. Stink bugs are usually shaped like that."
Husband: "Stink bugs don't fly."
Me: "Yes they do!"
Husband: "Since when do stink bugs fly?"
Me: "Since EVOLUTION."
Husband: "Well, I want gills, but you don't see me..."
:: 10 minutes later::
Husband: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Looking for the stink bug, I just tried to kill it."
Husband: "Well, I'm sure it will come crawling back soon."
Me: "You're not helping the situation, thanks."
Husband: "Well I don't see him."
Me: "You have to help me!  I don't want it crawling back soon- with a vengeance!"
Husband: "I can't find it."
Me: "Yes, that would be correct.  If you don't get out of your seat or actually DO ANYTHING... you won't find it."
Husband: "That's my point...  blog THAT!"