Sunday, November 28, 2010

Wake Me Up When Movember Ends

::unintelligible growly noise::
Me: What?
Husband: It came out of nowhere. This mustache emits pheromones.
Me: ::blank stare::
Husband: I meant... testosterone... shut up!

Twit Twat Tweet

::While watching Sunday Night Football::
Me: Yeah like that's ever going to happen.
Husband: What's that?
Me: That commercial said to get up-to-the-minute information from the sidelines follow Andrea Kramer on Twitter.
Husband: Yeah, who wants to follow that twat's tweets?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Agree To Disagree

::During a phone call::
Husband: Well I just wanted to call and say "hi" and "wow... you... are... amazing".
Me: Haha Thank you.
Husband: OK, I'll talk to you later.
Me: OK, bye.
Husband: Hey! If you need anything you know how to get ahold of me. My number is now and will probably always be... 9-1-1
Me: ... thanks... I'll keep that in mind.
Husband: Good. You should put that in the blog.
Me: Stop trying to dictate what goes in the blog.
Husband: Well you told me to try and help you remember things that should go in the blog because you can't always jot them down for later.
Me: Yes, things we agree on.
Husband: Well, we just agreed that would go in.
Me: No we didn't.
Husband: Yes we did. You may not remember. Now go put that in.

Be The Best You You Can Be

Husband: Put up the Al and Peggy Bundy pictures from Halloween.
Me: ::ignoring him::
Husband: Put the Bundy pictures on Facebook.
Me: ::ignoring him::
Husband: Now, please!
Me: ::huff:: Fine!
Husband: I like you. Not that attitude, but you. I also like your face.
Me: Do you like the face I'm making right now?
Husband: No, not really. Why are you making that face?
Me: Because I was busy doing something.
Husband: I'm doing something.
Me: Yes... annoying me.
Husband: Well you always say to be the best at what I do.

Ten Years Ago I Used to Listen To Rappers Flow

Husband: I also got a new beer Key had in the store. I hope its good.
Me: What kind is it?
Husband: It's called Original Pumpkin Ale. But who knows if that's even true. Maybe its the real first one made, maybe not. I mean, I'm a real OG too, but...
Me: Ok, Ice-T. You can stop now.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

If You Don't Like This Blog...

::iTunes playing Redneck Yacht Club::
Husband: If you don't like this song... you can get the hell out of here.
::iTunes playing Callin' Baton Rouge::
Husband: If you don't like this song... you can get the hell out of here.
::iTunes playing I Got My Mind Set On You::
Husband: If you don't like this song... you can get the hell out of here.
Me: Are you going to do this for every song in the library?
Husband: Maybe.
Me: Seriously?
Husband: Well its going to be definitely if you ask me like that again.

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

::While he's flipping through tv channels, in his most sarcastic voice possible::
Husband: Oh no, don't make me watch Jaws!
Me: Why?
Husband: Because I hate that movie.
Me: No you don't. You make me watch it all the time. Why are you such a liar today?
Husband: What else did I lie about today?
Me: I don't know.
Husband: Exactly! I only lie once a day.
Me: Seriously? Once day?
Husband: Ok, well, I guess that's a lie... so twice a day.

The Same, But Different

Husband: Shoobs you should read more.
Me: Huh? Read more? I'm reading right now. Well I was before you interrupted me.
Husband: Oh, I mean paint more.
Me: Did you really get reading and painting confused?
Husband: Only for a minute.

I'm Tellin' Y'All It's Sabotage

Husband: Well if I didn't look like my father before... I certainly do now with just this mustache.
Me: Oh my goodness. Wow. That is going to take some getting used to.
Husband: I'm probably only going to keep it for the next 3 days or so.
Me: Ok ::laughing to myself::
Husband: What?
Me: I woke up with a police officer today and now I have to go to bed with the Sabotage video.
Husband: Shut up.

It's Facial Hair, Not A Friend

Husband: Goodnight.
Me: Goodnight ::kiss:: I love you.
Husband: I love you.
Husband: ::in a high pitched voice:: "I love you too." That was my mustache.
Me: Please don't ever let your mustache speak to me again, ok?

Love And Marriage

::After taking a survey for a research institute about being married::
Husband: Did you write anything in that last box about additional comments you wanted them to know about our marriage?
Me: No. Did you?
Husband: Yeah, I said that I wanted them to know had to take time out of my doing everything around here to take that survey since you never do anything.
Me: ...Thanks...