First You Get The Jobs, Then You Get The Khakis, Then You Get The Chicks

:: flipping through channels ::

Husband: Uugggghhh

Me: We've never had that channel.

Husband: Well I thought maybe they'd give it to me today.

Me: Once I get a new job, we'll up the TV package.

Husband: Nope, once you get a new job, we're getting rid of the TV altogether.

Me: Why the heck would you do that? Why were you so pressed on getting a new giant TV?

Husband: Well, once we get the giant TV, we'll get a TV package.

Me: You have...

Husband: I've got it all figured out.

Me: No, you have the most insane, ass-backwards logic I've ever encountered

Siskel & Ebert, You're Not

Husband: What are you doing? Watching some gay movie?

Me: Yes, it's called The Life of Justin Tester

Husband: I hate you

Me: I know, it's mutual.

It's Science

Husband: Oh shit!

Me: What?

Husband: I just realized that I'm a genius!

Get It Gurl

Husband: Oh no I did-n't... turn on Haunted Honeymoon!

Kids Stuff

Me: This diaper bag is like Mary Poppins

Husband: Yup. Wait, what does that mean?

Me: ... ummm, like I keep pulling out a million things. It holds everything.

Husband: Oh, ok. Yeah, I've never seen it.

Me: Never saw what?

Husband: Mary Poppins.

Me: Seriously? How could you have never seen that movie?

Husband: I just haven't.

Me: But seriously, how is that possible.

Husband: I'm not a girl.

Me: That has nothing to do with it. I can't believe you've never seen that movie.

Husband: Believe it. I'm a man. I didn't watch stuff like that.

Me: Coming from the guy who belts out Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know".

Husband: Believe that!