Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Stinky Poo

Husband: Eww. Which one of the dogs just farted?
Me: I don't know, but you stink right now too.
Husband: I DO NOT! I didn't even sweat today at work.
Me: You stink.
Husband: No I don't.
Me: You do.
Husband: Maybe you're just confused and you're the one who stinks today. Ever think of that?
Me: ::blank stare::
Husband: I can't stink. I refuse to stink.

Who Let The Dogs Out?

::Dog is whining::
Me: Roo, you already went out.
Husband: Yes he did.
Me: Did Daddy watch you go out?
Husband: What?
Me: Haha. No, he didn't look to see if you did anything outside.
::Dog still whining::
Husband: It's f*ing cold outside.
Me: Well at least you have pants and a sweatshirt on.
Husband: No I didn't. I took them off.
Me: You did NOT take all your clothes off to let the dog outside.
Husband: Yes I did.
Me: You did NOT spontaneously undress when you let the dog out.
Husband: Yuh huh!
::dog still whining::
Me: Well Roo, you're going to have to wait for Daddy to take you out.
Husband: Daddy's watching football and Mommy's not doing anything.
Me: Mommy is writing a post on the blog you don't read because you're a jerk. And jerks have to take the dog out.
Husband: How come I always lose?
Me: Because jerks lose. Now take the dog out.

I Think I'll Just Wait To Air Dry

Husband: Soon after you left the house today it was like a monsoon out here.
Me: Yeah well I was walking in the street when that happened. It wasn't even drizzling so I walked out of the parking garage. But when I got to the Constellation Energy building the wind nearly knocked over the other six people I was walking with and then the sky opened up and the rain was unbelievable! We all walked into the same building and stood just looking at each other and asking 'What the hell just happened out there?' haha. I had to run my hand down my jeans to ring them out. They're still soaked. And the office is freezing.
Husband: Well why don't you just start tootin' in them and maybe they'll dry up.
Me: ... I literally hate you.


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