Row Row Row Your Boat

Husband: Hey did you check that lottery ticket I bought on Thursday?

Me: Nope.

Husband: Well how are we going to know if we won?

Me: Chances are good that we didn't.

Husband: If we DID win the lottery, I'm going on a cruise with you... and... T Pain.

Me: Cool.

There Are Thirsty Kids In India

Husband: You better finish your beer. Testers are winners and we finish our beers.

Me: You should go and shut up.

Husband: I'm gonna put this pillow case over your head and strangle you.

Me: Well, if you did that I wouldn't be able to finish this beer any faster, now would I?

Husband: I guess you're right.

Naked Time!

::While watching Nickelback This Afternoon video::

Husband: You know, I've thought of a lot of things I'd like to do naked, but riding a bike is NOT one of them.

C'mon Rude Boy

Husband: I just said ::input Facebook response here:: to her.

Me: She'll think you were being funny, but you're really saying that you don't care. That was rude, don't be a dick.

Husband: I'm not being a dick, I'm being facetious. If I was being a dick I'd say "hey shut your stupid pie hole."

A Festival of Nuts

Husband: Oooohhh I want candied almonds!

Me: Me too! The girl selling them looks like Amber.

Husband: Oh yeah? I wasn't looking at her face. I was looking at her, uhhh, nuts