At A Wedding And Love Is In The Air

::During the wedding toast::

Husband: And they forgot that we toast God

Me: ::not sure where this is about to go::

Husband: This is the blood of Christ... and it IS delicious!

Mike: That guy must have been drunk like 24/7!

Dress To Impress

Husband: I wasn't going to say anything because you're the mother of the bride, but you're boobs look great in that dress.

There's A Time & Place

Husband: Why is Crystal touching her boobs?

Me: She has to pump milk for the baby and so she's at capacity and she's sore.

Husband: Seriously?

Crystal: Yeah, they're like rocks right now.

Husband: Can I feel?

Everyone: NO!

Judge By The Company You Keep

Husband: We're at the best table.

Me: I'd say so.

Husband: No one at this table is a loser and we're the closest table to the bar!