Beauty And The Beast

Me: Try this shirt on.

Husband: I don't like it.

Me: You didn't even look at it. I like it.
::Puts it on and looks in mirror::

Husband: Yeah this shirt does look pretty good on me. I mean, it helps when you're an effing beast!

We Go Together

::While shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond::

Husband: You're not buying anything else.

Me: I might be.

Husband: You already got her something. You must like her.

Me: Yes, she's a good friend of mine and a knife set and cutting board go together. I just can't find the one on her list.

Husband: You know what else goes together? Peanut butter and jelly... like on a sandwich.

Me: I'm not giving her a PB&J sandwich as a wedding gift. And how do they go together?

Husband: She's going to need something to cut with these knives, duh.

Job Application

Husband: You know, if I get this job, not only is this guy getting a new, capable park ranger, but he's also getting A COMICAL GENIUS!

Ayo Technology

Me: I really hate the registry system here.

Husband: Why? What's wrong with her registry?

Me: Nothing's wrong with her registry. It something about Bed, Bath & Beyond. We had the problem with ours and Amy's wedding. It shows you how many of an item they want and then how many have been purchased already. I purchased something for a shower gift and then it never showed as being purchased when we bought the wedding gift next.

Husband: Yeah, what a piece of crap. There's no updation.

Me: "Updation" isn't a word.
::silence::
Me: You know that, right?

Husband: Yes it is. I mean, it is now that I made it up.

You're Asking Me About the Weather?

Me: Hey, what was the weather like outside today?

Husband: Its really nice. I'm wearing shorts.

Me: Is it "nice" for you or for me? Because you know our interpretation of "nice" isn't always the same.

Husband: So what you're saying is... I know what nice is and you have no idea what you're talking about?