Husband: Eww. Which one of the dogs just farted?
Me: I don't know, but you stink right now too.
Husband: I DO NOT! I didn't even sweat today at work.
Me: You stink.
Husband: No I don't.
Me: You do.
Husband: Maybe you're just confused and you're the one who stinks today. Ever think of that?
Me: ::blank stare::
Husband: I can't stink. I refuse to stink.
Who Let The Dogs Out?
::Dog is whining::
Me: Roo, you already went out.
Husband: Yes he did.
Me: Did Daddy watch you go out?
::silence::
Husband: What?
Me: Haha. No, he didn't look to see if you did anything outside.
::Dog still whining::
Husband: It's f*ing cold outside.
Me: Well at least you have pants and a sweatshirt on.
Husband: No I didn't. I took them off.
Me: You did NOT take all your clothes off to let the dog outside.
Husband: Yes I did.
Me: You did NOT spontaneously undress when you let the dog out.
Husband: Yuh huh!
::dog still whining::
Me: Well Roo, you're going to have to wait for Daddy to take you out.
Husband: Daddy's watching football and Mommy's not doing anything.
Me: Mommy is writing a post on the blog you don't read because you're a jerk. And jerks have to take the dog out.
Husband: How come I always lose?
Me: Because jerks lose. Now take the dog out.
I Think I'll Just Wait To Air Dry
Husband: Soon after you left the house today it was like a monsoon out here.
Me: Yeah well I was walking in the street when that happened. It wasn't even drizzling so I walked out of the parking garage. But when I got to the Constellation Energy building the wind nearly knocked over the other six people I was walking with and then the sky opened up and the rain was unbelievable! We all walked into the same building and stood just looking at each other and asking '
What the hell just happened out there?' haha. I had to run my hand down my jeans to ring them out. They're still soaked. And the office is freezing.
Husband: Well why don't you just start tootin' in them and maybe they'll dry up.
Me: ... I literally hate you.
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